"What in the world is wrong with him?" I asked Sage, nodding at Rowen. Sage glanced up from his lunch and frowned down the hall. A few moments ago, Rowen had stuffed his half-eaten lunch into his lunch bag, gotten up without a word, and walked almost to the other end of the empty hall, not stopping until he reached the last window. Now he was just standing there, his back to us, leaning against the wall and apparently staring out at the snowy school-grounds. I had noticed that he wasn't very cheerful during the morning's classes, but this strange action seemed a lot more than uncheerful.

Then again, maybe he just wanted to see some sunshine after the gray gloom of yesterday and this morning. I was glad to see it myself; I had worried all the way to the train station that the heavy gray skies would open up with snow again, keeping me home for yet another day, but fortunately that had not happened. Now the clouds were gone, the sun was bright, and everything seemed lively- except my friend.

"I'm not sure," Sage replied slowly, to my surprise. My question had been mostly rhetorical. "He was acting sort of like this yesterday. Unfriendly," he clarified, at my curious look. "Lunch was...strange, to begin with. He mentioned-" Sage paused and looked casually back at his food. "He mentioned that someone thought he and I had many similarities between us."

I blushed, half embarrassed and half annoyed, remembering the rest of the conversation that had gone with that remark and wondering how much of it had been discussed between them. At the time, I had just wanted to explain some of my friend's reserved behavior, but later it had occurred to me that Sage might not have appreciated it. If Sage had wanted Rowen to know the things I'd told him, he would have told our American friend himself...eventually. "And?" I prompted, expecting a reminder on the impoliteness of talking about people who weren't present and a firm reprimand on the subject of privacy. 

"Well, neither of us could quite understand why anyone would say that, until we talked about it for a little while and discovered it was correct," my friend went on quietly. "So we were talking- actually, he was doing most of the talking- and suddenly he was telling me how much he dislikes so many of the- the attitudes and mind-sets here."

"Yes, well, he's not alone in that," I grumbled, trying to cover my surprise. 

Sage nodded. "True, but he was very..."

"Very American?" I suggested wryly.

"Close enough. So lunch was unusual. Not bad, just a lot to think about. It was later, in the library, that things went...wrong. It was a pretty lazy day yesterday, lots of kids sleeping in class and the teachers not waking them up. Same in the library, most of the students either sleeping or gossiping. I was doing my homework and I noticed he was just sitting there, so I asked him if he was going to sleep, or if the work was giving him trouble. He seemed offended and started doing his math-" Sage stopped and frowned again, looking at me. "He wasn't carrying out the equations, just writing down the answers. And it was amazing, Ryo- they were all the correct answers. I mean, he just wrote them down in the time it'd take you or me to write our name."

I felt my eyebrows go up at that. I knew Rowen was excellent at math, but I hadn't known he was that good at it. 

"I reminded him that the teachers want the process written out and he said the teacher knows he already knew the process. Years ago, he said he learned it. And then-" Sage paused and leaned a little closer. "I forget just what I said, something about having to be in this grade because of his age, even if he does know the material. And he shook his head and said no, because he's not thirteen. He's twelve!"

I blinked several times in disbelief. That was unheard of- a twelve-year-old being put into the thirteen-year's classes? Such things didn't happen in Japan, ever! "Well- this school is supposed to be sort of like American schools," I began after a moment. "Maybe-?"

Sage shook his head. "He said his parents changed his birth year so he wouldn't have to take the same grade over again," he said softly. 

"Oh!" was all I could think of in response.

"So I was surprised," Sage went on, clearly understating the case more than a bit, "and I asked, to make sure, 'you're twelve?'" And he got- very angry. He said something about thirteen-year-olds not associating with inferior little twelve-year-olds, and how he'd given me a perfect excuse to pretend he didn't exist, and something else about restraining my happiness and not letting off fireworks in the building to celebrate."

I blinked again. That didn't sound like Rowen at all. Well- the sarcasm did, but Rowen was the last person I'd expect to make something out of nothing like that. 

Then again...he had gotten ultra-defensive his first day, accusing me of babysitting him and resenting it...

"And then he just left."

I looked sharply at Sage, who nodded. "Left the library?"

"Left the school. Grabbed his things, walked out of the library- I followed, pretending I was going to the toilet- and he went right down the hall and out the main doors. And we still had almost twenty minutes before the final bell." 

"Incredible," I murmured. "He's lucky no one else saw him and reported him. And all because he thought...? Sage, that doesn't make sense."

"I'm with you on that," my friend returned. "So I don't know. Maybe he's standing down there because he still thinks I don't want him around, or maybe he's embarrassed, or..." He shrugged. 

I thought about that for a moment. "So you never got a chance to tell him that he had it wrong and you do want him around?"

Sage shook his head, putting his sandwich wrap back into his lunch bag. "I have a feeling he wouldn't have believed me even if I'd had a chance to."

"You could tell him now," I pointed out the obvious. 

Sage paused, his eyes flicking down the hall. "I'm- I think he wants to be by himself, Ryo. He definitely doesn't want to talk."

I frowned. He had a point- Rowen had been more silent today than he'd ever been before, scarcely saying more than hello- but- "You don't have to get into a discussion with him, you know. Just go tell him you don't look for reasons to ignore him and aren't going to look down on him just because he's a little younger. Then leave him alone if he wants." 

My friend continued to hesitate, his violet gaze shifting from Rowen to me and then back again. "Just walk up and say that and leave? I think that wouldn't send a very encouraging message."

I stared at him in exasperation. "You don't plan to ignore him, now that you know he's only twelve, do you?" I asked bluntly. Sage turned sharply, giving me a glare that answered my unkind question better than words could have. "I didn't think so," I went on before he could say anything, "so why can't you go put his mind at ease? Do you want him thinking you'd be so nasty?"

Sage looked down the hall at Rowen again, then flung up his hands with an exasperated breath. "All right, all right. I don't think this is the right time, but if it means so much to you-" He stood suddenly and I blinked up at him. If it meant so much...to me?

"What? Wait- Sage, wait a minute."

He folded his arms and looked irritably down at me, his gaze not quite steady enough to call it a real glare. "First go, now wait. Make up your mind, won't you?"

"I- Sage, I don't want you doing something just because I say so. I mean- if you- if it wouldn't be-" I stopped trying to be diplomatic; it's just not my strong point. "Why did you say that? What does this being important to me have to do with anything? Why aren't you doing it because it's important to you?" And since I was asking blunt questions, I threw another one into the mix. "Does this have to do with what you said Sunday, about my approval? Do you think I won't approve of you if you don't do this?"

"You've made that fairly clear, Ryo."

I winced at the strange bleakness in his voice, not understanding, only knowing something was wrong- very wrong. "Maybe- maybe I'm overreacting," I offered, trying to undo whatever it was I'd done. "Maybe you're right and it's not the right time. I just hate to see him so upset, when it would be so easy to help him feel better."

Sage snorted. "We don't even know if that's why he's avoiding us," he retorted, sitting back down. "It could be something completely different. Something he doesn't want to talk about."

"Well, that's true too." I sighed, leaning my elbow on my knee and resting my chin in my hand. "I'm sorry I got so pushy." I got a faint smile and a nod in return, and supposed that was his version of 'it's okay'. But it wasn't okay! We'd never had disagreements before; why did we keep having them now? "I hate this," I muttered, grabbing up my lunch bag and crushing it. "You and I keep doing this, and I hate it."

"Ryo..."

"What's wrong, Seiji? I know something is, but I don't know what. And what happened Sunday?" I demanded, turning to him. "That whole weird talk about my approval, and what you said about I never called you niisan, and you looked so- what is it?" I interrupted myself, because Sage had turned away and seemed utterly fixated by the row of lockers. I reached out to catch hold of his shoulder, and blinked as a strange little shock seemed to run through my fingers at the touch-

-and suddenly everything clicked together in my mind. Finally I understood, and I was stunned. 

"Niisan...you're jealous," I whispered wonderingly. "You think Rowen's taking your place with me, that I like him more than you! And- you can't see any way to stop it, so you've decided you'll settle for having my approval instead of my friendship. Because you need at least that much so that old ogre can't hurt you anymore. But you don't like it- and- do you wish Rowen would go away?"

Sage said nothing for a moment, his widening eyes still fixed on the lockers. "I- I-" he stammered, and then his head drooped and I saw his eyes close. "No...not- anymore. I like him," he muttered, "now. He's a good person."

So I was right- I had known I was- but I still felt sick inside. Why hadn't he said anything? Why hadn't I seen it sooner? How could he think Rowen could be more important to me than he was, or could ever replace him? The questions seethed inside me, but I held them back as I looked at his slumped shoulders and tight-clenched fists. Gently, something inside me warned. Gently; he's hurting, and he thinks you'll be angry... "I thought you knew that you had more than simple approval, Seiji-" Exactly what I'd said Sunday, and he'd agreed. Well, being told is one thing; believing is another thing entirely. "-that no one could ever take your place with me. That I wouldn't want anyone to-"

"How would I know that?" he asked dully. "I'll tell you what I know: I know I'm an outcast; I'm quiet, aloof, don't know my place, and I'm bad luck. I don't trust people. I hardly ever talk to anyone, and I don't smile or laugh much. I'm not amusing or interesting. I'm just a- a shell, and once you pry the shell open- a long and difficult process, that- there's nothing inside worth all that effort. And I know Rowen's friendly and outgoing and funny and smart. And he doesn't test people for weeks to see if they're trustworthy. He talks about interesting things and says what he thinks. He doesn't care if he's an outcast or not because this isn't his home and no one here can hurt him or make him feel bad about being who he is." He lifted his head, but didn't look at me. "Yes, we have some things in common, but he controls his, or fights them. He's honest- doesn't pretend to be fine when he's upset, doesn't hide things from people. I do. I hide everything... That's what I know, and that's why I have no doubt that approval's the best thing I can get- now that you know what a real friend is."

I couldn't speak; my throat hurt too much. So I did the next best thing and slid closer to put my arm around him. "Seiji," I murmured at last, my voice quaking, "I knew what a real friend was long before Rowen ever reached this island. My friend dared to trust me, even though he'd trusted others and been hurt by them. He dared to confide in me, despite knowing how many people would laugh at him or scorn him. He encouraged me. He didn't tell me not to cry when I hurt too bad to do anything else; he held me and made the pain less. He opened his heart to me and took my loneliness away and promised never to leave me. And- and because I'm a fool and didn't say what I felt, now he thinks I merely approve of him and have demoted him from his place as my heart's brother to a mere school-pal."

"Ryo..." Just the one word, but it held everything. He wanted to believe me, he almost could, but not quite. Not after doubting for so long. 

"You're my standard, brother," I told him past the thick tightness in my throat. "You're the one people have to measure up to. That's why I became friendly with Rowen so quickly; he's so much like you. He was lonely and lost and needed encouragement. Like you." 

"I- told myself that," he murmured, almost wonderingly. "That it was the jin in you, wanting to help someone who was confused and overwhelmed. And I knew that once he was your friend, he'd stay your friend- you wouldn't discard him. So you wouldn't discard me, either. But I didn't see any similarity to me...and it didn't mean you'd still feel the same about me. You didn't seem to, niichan."

I winced again at the word; it felt so full of anguished affection. He'd offered me a rare jewel; not only had I not accepted it, I hadn't even paid attention to his outstretched hand- from his point of view. But he was still offering, and this time I was quick to accept, and to offer something back. "It made me so happy when you called me your brother. I've always wished for a brother, and it really felt- feels- as though you are. And I'm so sorry I didn't say that. I should have, and I also should have said that- that when I call you Seiji, what I'm feeling is brother. You said you liked it, so..."

"Oh!" He leaned against my arm for a moment and sighed. "I see now," his voice came, muffled. "I do like it, but it didn't feel like that to me..."

I ran my hand across his back. "I'm sorry," I repeated. "I should have told you plainly." 

"Now that I know, it will feel that way," Sage surprised me by observing, sitting up. His eyes were a little pink, but he gave me a good try at a smile. "And don't apologize, it's not your fault. I have been- hiding things, and I knew I shouldn't. But I thought- I feared that if I mentioned them, I'd lose what respect and approval you still had for me..."

"The nail in the coffin," said another voice, musingly. Both of us started violently, pulling apart and turning swiftly. Rowen was crouched a foot or two away from me, a set look on his face. "Sorry, didn't mean to intrude or overhear, but the bell's gonna ring soon and I thought you might not like havin' witnesses," he added coolly. 

"That...is the concept I was looking for, thanks," Sage murmured, blushing so red that he resembled a traffic light. I had a feeling I was doing similarly.

"No problem. And for the record, you're not the only one hiding things around here."

"You-?" Sage looked up, shock on his face. 

Rowen shrugged. "Well, what's a new kid to expect? Come in, make a friend, find out friend has older and better friend, wait to be shunted aside, you know?"

I stared at him, vaguely aware of Sage's slow, sympathetic nod. Rowen, too? Worrying he'd be ignored, jealous of the 'better' friend...and hiding it? "Oh no," I sighed, and they both looked at me. "I was hoping you'd both be friends with each other as well as me, not feel threatened! And now I- I don't know what to do..."

"Not much you can do," Rowen observed. "It's us; we've gotta work on it ourselves. I don't think either of us learned much about the art of sharing someone so important to us, and I guess it's time to learn." Sage nodded again.

"But- but did you think you'd only ever have one friend, your whole life?"

"I never thought I'd have even one," Sage told me mildly, which completely silenced me. 

"Ditto." Rowen frowned. "I could wish I wasn't bein' held up to an...ideal, since I kinda would prefer to be liked for being totally me and no one else. But it could be worse, at least someone sees something-"

"Now hold it!" I exclaimed. "I said it was easy to like you because you reminded me of him, and that's true. And it's true you two are a lot alike, underneath. But I'm like that too, you know. We're three of a kind underneath and very different people on top. And both parts count. When I say Sage is my standard, I mean someone who'll trust me, who I can trust back, who won't give me weird looks or disapprove when I'm different, or stick me on some trophy and expect me to be perfect. Someone who'll accept me just like this. Both of you have; most people never will."

"I think you mean on a pedestal, not a trophy, but I see where you're coming from." Rowen rubbed his head reflectively, sending a few blue locks across his face. "Thought about that no too long ago- it's ironic. You know, the whole school kinda idolizin' you and nobody daring to be familiar, as you say it here."

"Like that." I took a long breath and tried to calm down. "I've had casual friends, but never anyone I could really care about much. So I guess I'm about as new to this as you guys are. And I feel awful about-"

The bell went off with its usual ear-breaking noise right then and all three of us jumped at the interruption. Rowen shook his head, glared up at the wall, then got to his feet. "You got nothing to feel bad about, Ryo," he informed me as Sage and I stood up. "You've done nothing wrong, it's we who've gotta get our heads straight. And I promise you, I am not gonna make you try and choose."

"Never," Sage agreed sternly. "Even if we actively disliked each other, which we don't, we wouldn't try to pull you in different directions."

"That's good," I said rather weakly, "because I don't think I could choose anyway." Then I glanced down the hall, hearing the clamor of voices approaching from the cafeteria. 

"Yeah, that about wraps that up," Rowen followed my gaze. "Back to class." 

Sage nodded. "See you two later," he remarked, then turned and walked back down the hall towards his classroom. I watched him for a moment, wondering if I had managed to set his mind at ease or not. It seemed so, but who was I to say? I hadn't even reasoned out that he might be feeling insecure in the first place, so my judgment was obviously lacking. Chastened, I followed Rowen into our room and sat glumly at my desk. No matter what either of them said, I couldn't shake the feeling that the whole thing was my fault. Some friend I was, not to consider Sage's feelings, especially knowing he'd never had a friend before. Whether he'd hidden it or not, I should have known; it was so obvious, now that I actually thought about it. I could have reassured him... And Rowen, how could he have not been uncertain of his position? He hadn't known me nearly as long as Sage had, and now he'd just heard me calling Sage my brother... 

It was surprisingly easy to concentrate on the afternoon classes. Anything that kept the guilt that was gnawing on me at the back of my mind was welcome. Our science lab- involving frogs, poor things- did a particularly good job of keeping my attention, especially when Haruka's frog 'somehow' got loose and hopped all over the room, making several of the girls squeal. It was Rowen who calmly scooped the damp creature up and gave it to the teacher, and Haruka sulked as much over that as over the lecture he got. 

But when the final class bell rang and we'd finished the cleaning up- then the guilt came rolling back. I gathered my things with a heavy heart, almost dreading the hour ahead of me in the library. That was a new and nasty feeling; I'd always looked forward to it, before. Then I had sat with my two best friends, enjoying their company very much. Now... 

I was going to have to be very careful to treat them equally. I would have to be fair, equal, not show any hint of choosing favorites. Like a parent giving both his kids equal time and attention, I would have to weigh what I did and make sure neither ever had reason to feel left out or less important. It was like going to be walking a tightrope. Backwards. And it wouldn't just be for today or this week or even just this month, for all I knew. It would go on until they both realized they were equally important to me-

They are, aren't they? Even if I'm not calling Rowen my brother...even if he doesn't have armor and I can't tell him about it... 

"Ryo," Rowen's voice broke through my anxious thoughts. "Stop looking like that." 

I looked up, wondering why he sounded so far away, and saw that it was because he was. I had followed him into the hall without noticing, and now he and Sage were a good ten feet ahead of me. Both of them had paused and turned to look at me as I wandered along behind them. I stood still for a moment, looking at their faces- so different, and yet so alike inside- and knew in that moment that they were, truly, equally important to me. Not because I needed them, though I did: because they needed me, both of them. 

I'll make this work. No matter what it takes, or how long! I'll have two brothers, and they'll both know it...because they'll both have two as well. You may not have ever thought you'd have even one friend, Seiji, but we're going to surpass your hopes and give you two.

"Stop looking like what?" I asked as I caught up with them. 

"Worried. Guilty."

"Blaming yourself," Sage added, nodding. "You didn't do anything wrong, so you're punishing yourself for not doing everything perfectly right- aren't you?"

"Well said," Rowen murmured as I stared at them. Was I really that transparent? I took a quick look around the hall, discovered with relief that it was empty, then started walking again. 

"You are, aren't you," Sage repeated, more as a statement this time. "You don't hide your feelings very well," he added kindly, and his fingers brushed my arm.

"I'm bothered that I didn't stop to think about it all more carefully," I admitted at last, reluctantly. "But...well, mostly I don't want to make another mistake like that."

"We told you that's not on your list of things to worry about," Rowen pointed out. "That's for us to work on."

"But Rowen-!"

"And how can you call it a mistake if you didn't really do anything wrong?" Sage asked reasonably.

"Well that's what you say, I see it different," I muttered. 

"It only would've been wrong if we'd been open about it and you ignored us- and you'd never do that," Rowen asserted.

"Stop double-teaming me!" I snapped, and they both looked startled. "Look, I see it my way, you see it yours- that's not the problem." I pushed my hand though my hair, more from stress than from any real need to see where I was going. "The problem is, I don't want to- to add to it," I finished lamely. 

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning-" I struggled for a moment. "Okay, meaning, every Sunday, whenever we can manage it, Sage and I get together and practice swordwork. Are you going to get jealous of that?" I finally said bluntly. "And if I do something with you to- to counteract that-" I used the word on purpose, "are you," turning to Sage, "going to get jealous of that?"

Silence. Both of my friends stopped walking, looking at me and then at each other. "Oh my. We've created a monster," Rowen muttered after a moment.

"This is how it's going to work," Sage said, taking charge unexpectedly. He stepped forward and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "You're going to continue being the person you are, not worrying about unfairness or jealousy or other petty crap like that. That's our problem, all of it. What we're going to do is, if we need help or...reminders, we'll ask for them; if we get jealous, we'll say so. You're not to weigh everything you do or say, or guess, or wonder and worry that something might be wrong again. That is where the problem was, Ryo- we didn't tell you. You may think you made an awful mistake in not guessing what we were keeping secret, but we made the worse mistakes by keeping the secrets in the first place." He paused as I blinked at him. I'd never heard him so assertive before. "If you do get worried that something's wrong, don't guess and then try to fix it without knowing for sure- just ask, and we'll tell you. Maybe...privately, until we know each other better, but we will tell you- because we trust you. Right, Rowen?"

"Couldn't've said it better myself." Rowen grinned suddenly. "I like your style," he added admiringly. "When you decide to be bold, by glory, you're bold and a half."

"Thanks, I think," Sage replied with an almost-laugh. Then he looked back at me, growing more serious. "Okay, niichan?"

"Um...yes, okay," I responded, dazed. 

"In summation: no more of the don't ask, don't tell policy," Rowen remarked helpfully. "Now, that doesn't mean there won't be things we keep to ourselves," he added warningly, "but not about each other, right? If I start feeling jealous pangs, I'll say, Hey, I'm feeling jealous pangs here. But if I'm kinda grumpy and don't say anything, it's 'cause it doesn't involve us. Deal?"

"Deal," Sage agreed, and I echoed him as we started walking again. 

"So. Now we've got that straight-" Rowen paused as we entered the library and went to our usual table. I sat down first and Sage sat on my left, in his usual spot. Rowen put his backpack on the table and his coat on the chair, then looked at Sage, who blinked curiously at him. "About yesterday."

"Oh! Yes, I meant to ask you, where did you get the idea that I wanted to find reasons to ignore you?"

"Pulled it out of a hat," Rowen explained, sitting down. Then, as Sage and I looked at each other in confusion, he amended it to, "Made it up out of nothing," with a sour smile. "You had this disapproval thing going. And I was bugged anyway. From lunch."

"Still angry, thinking about the things you don't like here?"

Rowen tapped the table thoughtfully. "I wouldn't say that. I'd say I was put out that we had this whole emo lunch, and then we get to the library and it's mouths shut time. Left me completely in the dark, wondering what was up. You don't show much in terms of reactions, buddy."

"Oh." Sage still looked perplexed. "Um...emo?"

"Well, you actually got a little annoyed at me, no?"

"A little. Oh, so you thought I'd get annoyed again?" 

I had to admire Sage's patience. Half-stunned as I still was, the conversation was making virtually no sense to me, and Sage seemed only a little less mystified. Rowen, apparently realizing this, sighed. "This is what happens when I try to be discreet," he grumbled. "Bluntly, then. Sage: when we talked yesterday, it was mostly me talking and I couldn't figure out how you felt about it. You didn't say much and didn't show much, so it left me wondering what your reaction was. Figured I'd get a clue when we got to the library, but you were just business as usual- do the homework. So I didn't know what to think."

"Oh, I see," I intervened, since Sage still looked a little lost. "When someone expresses a dislike of someone else's country, one has to wonder if someone has been offended..."

"Ohhh! Oh, Rowen, I wasn't offended at all. I agreed with you, remember?"

"Sometimes agreeing with someone is a good way to get 'em to shut up." Rowen shrugged, giving me a grateful look, then reached over and opened his backpack. "You're so polite, I can never tell what you're really thinking. Figured you didn't think much of me to begin with and after that, even less. No offense meant," he added, looking up. "You've probably given me some signals I just haven't seen. Registered. Whatever."

"You mean," Sage paused, then smiled almost shyly. "You mean you didn't think walking together signified much?" 

"Walking together?" I inquired, curious.

"When school's out. When you go to the train, we go the other way, so we've walked together a lot," Sage explained, and looked back at Rowen.

"Walking together- no, I didn't think that was significant," Rowen agreed. "Is it?"

"It- is, rather. I wouldn't walk in the company of someone I thought poorly of."

"Ah. See, I don't know that about you- well, I do now, I guess. Yesterday- I was kinda flattered that you told me something about yourself," Rowen observed musingly, "but mostly I was surprised. Wasn't expecting it at all. And you did get kinda mad about it, too, so I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one. So by the time I got here, I was kinda bracing for round two, not knowin' what I should expect, and then nothing happened. Major letdown. I couldn't even get up the nerve to talk about it myself."

Sage bit his lip. "Well, this place is fairly public," he pointed out, and we all fell silent for a moment, glancing around to make sure we weren't being overheard.

"Yeah, that hit me, but not 'til later," Rowen agreed in a lower voice, then sighed. "And then the whole age thing..."

"As you said, the nail in the coffin?" I offered, to help him out, and added, "That's a morbid saying," as he nodded.

"I've been feeling kinda morbid. Anyway, yeah. That's it. Sorry if you don't approve, but repeating a year was not on the menu."

"And trying to get the school system to see things your way would have been an exercise in futility," I noted. "You'd be thirty before they concluded that perhaps in this one case, they should make an exception."

Both my friends laughed wryly. "Too true." Rowen shoved at his bangs, which promptly fell into his eyes again. 

"I like to think I'm more flexible than the school system," Sage remarked. "And I guess it was the only feasible way. But it could make things difficult later."

"Tell me about it. I'll be done with school before I'm of legal age in the U.S., so trying to get back home when I graduate will be very interesting. I don't fancy waiting another year, but I might have to." Rowen grimaced. "Anyway, I'll worry about that when I'm sixteen. Maybe some laws will change in the interim." Then he looked straight at my friend, almost challengingly. "In the meantime, maybe- maybe when we hit a less public place, you could, you know, kinda tell me..."

"I'd be more than happy to answer your questions," Sage assured him, and I watched Rowen's face fall. Impulsively, I leaned over and gave Sage a little cuff on the arm.

"Don't be so formal. He wants your 'approval'," I said pointedly, and Sage's eyes widened in understanding. 

"Well I- I- um," he floundered, glancing around again to make sure no one had come close enough to hear. "I wasn't offended, as I said. And I certainly didn't think any less of you for saying what you thought. I agreed with you! But I'm not used to saying...things like that, I'd get into trouble if I did." He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "I certainly never wanted or looked for excuses to avoid you-" He paused, biting his lip and studying the tabletop. "Well, maybe once or twice I wished you had stayed in New York, but I think you wished that, too."

"Truly," was all Rowen said to that, but he looked a little amused. 

"And, um, I honestly don't think twelve is inferior to thirteen or should be treated with contempt. Age is just age; what matters is whether or not someone is a good person. And you are." Sage shrugged, his cheeks bright red again, and leaned back against his chair. I glanced at Rowen and had to smile at the look of astonishment that crossed his face. He hadn't really believed me when I told him Sage thought well of him; now he couldn't doubt me, and it took a lot of self control to keep my 'I told you so' to myself. And if part of it was due to my prompting, then at least another part was due to Sage's genuine willingness to talk about such things with Rowen. It was a big step, and I was very proud of him; I knew it wasn't easy for him to speak of his feelings. I put my hand lightly on his arm and squeezed. He didn't look up, but he did smile and straighten up a bit.

"Thank you, Sage," Rowen said, so softly I could hardly hear him. "That means a lot to me." Sage glanced up shyly, nodded once, and then changed the subject very decisively by asking for some help with his English homework. Rowen obligingly slid around the table and was soon leaning over the grammar book, carefully explaining the strange rules as Sage slowly nodded in growing comprehension. I watched quietly, feeling my guilt and uncertainty subside- not completely, but enough to put away. 

See what you can accomplish if you just pay some attention? ...I really think this is going to work. We can choose to make it work, and maybe it won't be as hard as I thought. 

Satisfied with the thought, I leaned over to ask a few questions of my own about English grammar. Sometimes it seemed I'd never run out of questions on that particular subject. How Americans kept all their strange rules and irregular exceptions straight enough to make sense when they talked was a wonder to me. 

It would be nice to say that it was all downhill from there, that we never had any more difficulties communicating, never squabbled or got jealous, never sulked or said petty things to each other. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be true. Alike as we were, we were still very different too, and it took a certain amount of adjusting before we all felt entirely comfortable with our three-way friendship. In fact, for a while it was the balancing act I had expected, with moods constantly shifting and attitudes needing to be tolerated. I usually ended up acting as a mediator, drawing the two of them together and helping them understand each other. 

In some ways, that was a little frustrating for me. I'm really not a peace-keeper sort, too aggressive and impulsive, and it got on my nerves that I had to explain so much that seemed so obvious. It would have been easier if I was more patient. It was perplexing, but it was sort of amusing, too, to watch them trying to communicate. Ironic, really. Sage was perfectly capable of being as bluntly outspoken as Rowen- but only when he made a conscious effort to do so. The rest of the time, he was much more likely to be typically subtle. Rowen, on the other hand, could be unbelivably indirect- to the point where everything he said seemed cryptic and obscure even to Sage- but again, this was the result of conscious effort. Most of the time, he was outspoken to the point of embarrassment or discourtesy. Or both. I, being both more or less by turns, understood both of them most of the time, but they had a lot of trouble understanding each other. Invariably, Sage would be indirect when Rowen was blunt, and of course the opposite. It left me scratching my head sometimes, wondering how two people could both be so American and so Japanese at the same, but opposite, times. 

Confusing, isn't it? That's how it was- perpetual confusion for Sage, perpetual confusion for Rowen, and perpetual bemusement for me. On the positive side, though, it worked. As the two of them got more used to how the other thought and reacted, it became clear that a genuine friendship was blossoming. (Yes, my little flowers: blossoming. Deal with it.) And all that 'translating' completely wiped out the lingering guilt I was carrying around, which was no bad thing.

So things went pretty smoothly as January passed and February began. Sage didn't manage to get back up to Azu to train with me, but we met several times at the pond and I gave him a few more swordwork lessons. Rowen, given the choice of sitting out in the cold and watching us practice or not, usually decided to go over to his archery dojo and get in some practice of his own, and we'd meet later at one cafe or another for tea (or coffee) and snacks before heading home again. Haruka and his gang left all three of us strictly alone, which was a pleasant change, and the homework load, though heavy, didn't get much worse than it was already. I was still helping in Kigan-san's dojo most nights, and fending off my master's suggestions that I compete in some of the tournaments in the area. I didn't particularly want to compete, and explained that I wouldn't have enough time, between schoolwork and the coming soccer season.

The only really bad thing about those three or four weeks was the weather. Cold weather was certainly expected, but snow or ice every three or four days was not, and it was a real pain. I got snowed in once more, and iced in a few times- ice being more dangerous than snow, I took more caution then- and the trains ran late so many times that the teachers stopped marking me absent until after I missed the third class. It was then that I got back into the habit of leaving little notes in Sage's locker to let him know I was in actually school. Rowen knew, of course, but if Sage didn't see me before class or at the break, he was somewhat startled to then see me at lunch. It wasn't long before he began writing little notes back, and soon every time I came in late, there would be a folded paper at the bottom of my locker, bearing some version of are you here today? on it along with a particle of news. Something someone had said, or Rowen had done, or a teacher had assigned, or any variation of the three. 

The one I remember most vividly, though, is the one where he told me his grandfather had grounded him for a week after he'd done particularly 'poorly' at a tournament and he wouldn't be able to meet me on Sunday. I remember it both for how long it was- short notes were more his style- and for my own angry response. The General might not be able to hurt him emotionally anymore, but it was a bitter reminder of how thoroughly the old man controlled Sage's life.

And then, on the thirteenth day of February, things changed completely.

But I'll let Sage explain how that happened.